legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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