You really coming over, don't trick.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
