I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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