Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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