I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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