If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize