So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
