I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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