Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
