Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
