I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
