Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
