I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize