saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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