I heard we made out
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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