Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
