Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
