Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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