okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
