clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize