ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
