Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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