girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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