bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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