My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
