so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
