dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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