my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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