He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
