i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
