I wish I could teleport
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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