The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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