also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He felt like a one man threesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
