my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I skipped work to stalk him.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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