On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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