i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
