i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
