I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
