i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
