Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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