I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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