These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
