you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
