is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
