I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
