now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
