i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
