At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
