id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
