I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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