bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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