To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
