Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
