you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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