Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
