I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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