I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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