I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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