Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
