It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
