How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my shit smells like andre
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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