College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
