that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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