Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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