dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
