That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
