so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Your cock deserves a montage
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
