does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize