Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
