maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize