Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
