i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
