He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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